The Most Awkward (and Important) Conversation of My Life

"Children born to another mother call me 'Mom'. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me." -Jody Landers*

I have struggled over the last 11 months to manage my emotions and my relationship with Lovebug's biological mother (referred to here as "K"). It has always been a priority of mine that she is treated with respect in person, and (as much as I'm capable of) in private as well.

I have always approached this relationship with the understanding that someday I may have to tell Lovebug about her. I would need to speak about K, the woman who, for all her faults, loved her children. Even though sometimes it was hard to see.

And then yesterday, I had a conversation through text with K. It was the kind of monumental conversation that reminds me that there are real people, a real family, being affected by this process.

She asked us to adopt Lovebug, if she couldn't keep her rights.

She thanked me for everything (as she has done before), and said she couldn't imagine Lovebug with anyone else. And she promised not to interfere, but requested that she not be forgotten. And that maybe we update her on how Lovebug was growing up.

And it seems like such a small request from a woman who has given me one of the greatest gifts of my life. 11 (almost 12) months of joy and love (maybe even a lifetime more).

I still can't say how much I'm willing to commit to updating her, or exactly what boundary lines we will establish. But I am more committed than ever to reminding myself that my greatest gift could be K's greatest loss. And that respect for her loss may be all I can offer in return. And that I owe her that much.




*Thanks to my friend Cassie for the quote that spoke to my heart today.