First off: Today marks 4 months with Lovebug in our house! Seriously, these have been a few of the best/worst/crazy/amazing months of our lives.
Secondly: Today we attended the first meeting we've had in this process where we felt comfortable speaking freely, sharing our thoughts, and felt really
heard. WOOHOO! A small bit of success in this crazy journey!
We attended the Foster Care Review Board (FCRB) meeting. The FCRB is a group of volunteers (devided by county) who get together and review foster care cases for all the kids in the county and send recommendations to the judge. They are housed under the Department of Inspections and Appeals, so they can review DHS and state attorneys without misconceptions of conflicts of interest. They review all the parties- DHS, attorneys, foster parents, birth parents, etc. To ensure that the kids are receiving the best care that they can be.
Dan and I were really nervous about this meeting at first. We had heard from other foster parents that it's intimidating and that they prefer not to attend because they feel judged and uncomfortable. Let me start by saying,
we did not feel that way at all. That may be attributed to the fact that we are the only people who showed up in person (aside from the board members, obviously), but we felt very welcomed and included.
When we came in, we were greeted warmly, we introduced Lovebug and let her charm their pants off, and then we got down to business. First, we gave a very brief updated of what Lovebug was doing these days (learning to sit up on her own from a crawling position, working on learning to crawl, pull herself up, and cruise furniture). After that, the coordinator read out loud a few statements that were sent by DHS and Lovebug's attorney (who couldn't make it because of court dates for other cases). After those statements were read, we spent about half an hour discussing the case- situations that had happened, was Lovebug getting everything she needed, were there any concerns, how were her brothers around her, how was she on visits or after them, did her parents provide things at visits or what kinds of things did they do, etc. Because her brothers and their foster dad weren't able to make it, I did answer a few questions regarding them or what I understood to be the case. Nothing that I felt uncomfortable with, and only things I had concrete information to share.
Dan and I felt we were able to share important information- all of it true, concise accounts of things that had happened. I never lied, I was very careful not to let my bias interfere with what I was saying, and I never said anything that was unfair. I was also able to provide documentation of any significant issues we've had since Lovebug was in our care (just a simple timeline). For example:
"X/X/13- Text from biomom
X/X/13- Dr visit- Dr reported XYZ, suggested XYZ. Biomom/dad made aware of dr. appt on X/X/13 but did not attend.
X/X/13- Visit cancelled due to..."
It sounded like that was a helpful tool to add to their files. I will continue to keep it updated going forward.
And then, the all important question about our interest in adoption. Which, of course, we said we would be interested in.
Ultimately, I don't know how much a judge looks at these notes/recommendations, but it was great to feel validated and told that we were doing a great job because of XYZ, rather than 'Hey, thanks for being foster parents.' like anyone could do it, you just happen to be there. It means so much when people notice the specific care that is put into things for Lovebug, and the time and dedication we spend not only repairing old wounds (physical and emotional), but also preventing new ones. That we are equal partners in this process, and that we know these kids (sometimes) better than their biological parents.
Everyone who was invited will receive notes from this meeting within 15 days, and those notes will include their recommendation. I think this review board idea is the best part of the process I've dealt with yet! Thank goodness, because I don't know if I could have attended another bad meeting. :)
-Jenn
