Ugh! I know...every time I write one of these I promise to be better at updating it. So I'll stop. It's time to face the music- I'm just a crappy blogger.
That being said...let's get to the updating! If you checked out the Foster-to-Adopt Timeline you may already know that termination of parental rights occurred in May. There are a lot of reasons it's taken me this long to write this post. but one main reason is that it took me a while to process this.
When I got the call, I was thrilled to hear that there was a light at the end of this tunnel. That soon the crazy-ness of Four Oaks, and visits, and bio mom would be over. But it was Friday evening, and I was on my way out of town, and I didn't have a lot of time to think about the implications of this monumental event.
But over the weekend, I began to think about my life, my baby's life, and the life that her bio-mom has had...and then I thought about the life that bio-mom will have. As I held my baby early one morning, I felt the most overwhelming feelings- blessed, for the little life I hold so dear, sad for a mother who's illness has torn apart her family, happy to be nearing a finish line, and then guilty that I'm happy...
Don't get me wrong- every bit of this is right for these kids. They need safety, permanency, consistency, and the ability to adjust to this new life. And bio-mom had every chance to pull it together, and didn't. Intellectually I know all of that.
But the weekend that the orders came down, as I rocked my curly-headed princess while she sang me 'Twinkle Twinkle' and 'ABC LALALALA P', I broke down at the thought of someone telling me I would never see my child again. The thought was completely overwhelming.
About a week later, the kids had their final visit with bio-mom. Dan and I met the workers and another foster parent to pick the kids up, and it was clear from everyone's reactions that the evening had not been an easy one. In fact, they were about 40 minutes late getting back (from the visit around the corner).
It took Lovebug a day or two to adjust. She was clingy, and nervous, and slept a lot for a couple of days, but by the end of the week she was back to her old self. These days, she's happy (mostly), sleeps very well, doesn't even notice when I leave daycare in the morning, and seems pretty well adjusted.
We met with an adoption attorney last week, and are beginning the prep work necessary to adopt Lovebug, if we're given the chance. And with any luck, I'll be able to post pictures of her second birthday party here for all to see!
I believe that this is right, for a hundred different reasons. But, like most everything in life, right doesn't always mean easy.
