The Best Laid Plans

Before the conversations of foster-to-adopt began, before Lovebug, before trouble conceiving and all the issues that came along with that, and even up to the day Lovebug came home, I had big plans. You know, the kind of plans every mom has- how she'll raise her kids, what she'll let her kids do that her mother never let her do, what books she'll read, what schedule she'll keep, what discipline method she'll use...big plans.

I was going to cloth diaper, and make homemade baby food, and never turn on the TV. I would be so organized, and the housework would always stay caught up, and dinners and lunches would get made without question. Yup. I was going to rock this momma thing.

Fast forward to today:
I use Luv's: Mostly because Lovebug has to be in disposable diapers for visits and daycare, which essentially leaves me with 4 nights a week and half a weekend that I could use cloth diapers...it kind of defeats the purpose.

Lovebug eats Gerber baby food. And she loves it. I tried. I did. She hated my homemade baby food. Now, granted I probably needed to blend it more and add more water, I was new at it. But frankly, Gerber is healthy. And it's just easier.

The TV does get turned on. My husband is much worse about this than I am, but I'll even admit that when you are home alone, or cuddling a sleeping baby, you need some entertainment. If I have the TV on while she's awake, I pick shows that are not graphic or violent (so, Criminal Minds is saved for after bed time).

Lovebug does not live on a strict schedule. She has made her own, and it seems to work for us most of the time, so we let it go. I don't have my own life on a schedule enough to be able to keep hers on one.

And you know what? It's ok.

And here's a little secret...I justify my choices. And maybe this isn't great, but it's the truth. I justify my choices by saying to myself, "Well, at least I don't beat her, or use drugs around her. And she's always fed/clothed/clean and happy..."

But the fact of the matter is simply that Lovebug is a part of our family, and our family doesn't have schedules, and we watch TV, and we eat crap sometimes. I want her to be healthy, and to live a rich life, full of joy and prosperity. I want her to grow up and have great memories of backyard games, and slumber parties, and science experiments.

And if she's still with us, I can guarantee that she will have all of that and more. But there will still be nights when she's out late, and their will still be crap food, and she will still watch TV.

And I'm ok with that.
-Jenn

The Holes

Well, it sounds like Lovebug will be around for at least a few more months! In case I forgot to mention, when we accepted this placement, she was only supposed to be in the house for a week. We love having her around. She puts a smile on our face as soon as we see her, and she never ceases to amaze us with how quickly she's changing, how much she can do compared to the day we brought her home, how smart she is, and just her general adorableness.

I have started to see some definite signs of attachment and bonding with Dan and I, which are good signs! Even though the plan is not for us to be her Forever Family, the fact that she's developing the ability to attach appropriately will give her so much in the future. She's totally on target developmentally, she's a quick learner, and fiercely determined in everything she does. It's so much fun to watch her navigate rolling across the room to get to her toy, or stick her pacifier in her mouth and grin with satisfaction.

Now on to the slightly less positive...

The most frustrating thing, quite frankly, is that sometimes people have a tendency to leave the foster parents out. Of Everything. Apparently we are supposed to be receiving notices and court documents from the Clerk of Court, but in our county they are 'notoriously bad about getting that stuff to foster parents'. And there is supposed to be a foster care review board in each county who reviews every case once a month, and foster parents are supposed to be able to attend those hearings...but again, 'notoriously bad about getting that info to foster parents'. We have been surprised with people showing up unannounced to pick up Lovebug for a visit...we were supposed to get info about that, but apparently we were 'overlooked' in the process of scheduling the visit.

Sometimes it can feel like you are just a warm bed for the kids to sleep in...and maybe that's normal. But, regardless of whether it's normal or not, I certainly don't feel like it's right. If we are supposed to "co-parent", then we should get the same respect and be given the same consideration (if not more!) when finding out what is going on with the kids.

I have a feeling these are the 'holes in The System' that people talk about. And they kind of suck. A lot.

But then there's that little girl's smile at the end of the day, and we are reminded about why we are doing this...and it gets us into the next day, the next 'mis-communication', the next adventure.