The First Call

Well, it didn't take too long to get our first call! 

We actually got one yesterday, but it was for a teen boy. We are really not equipped to handle teens (we are barely 10 years older than some!) So we declined that placement, which was pretty easy to do. I just hope that's not the only thing we get called for!

I'm not sure I can do justice in writing when I describe the feeling I got when I saw a missed call from Iowa KidsNet on my caller ID yesterday. My heart jumped, my stomach turned a little, and my mind went into overdrive...all in the space of about 10 seconds! That was all before we heard the details of the situation, and turned it down. But it was a good preview of how I will feel when that perfect call does come in...a little crazy!

The call got me thinking of all the things I wanted to get done before a kiddo comes into our lives...so I managed to get the indoor Christmas decorations taken down, change the batteries in the smoke alarms, deep clean the kitchen, and wash another load of baby clothes and towels (kindly gifted from the girls at work!) It's sort of my own version of nesting...

In fact, there are a lot of things about this process that (I imagine) are similar to the last few weeks of a pregnancy. Emotions in overdrive, lists of things to do, questions about finishing things for work, and what the first few days with another little person in our lives will be like...it's a lot to handle! I feel blessed that we're finally getting to the point where this is feeling real, and at the same time I had a meltdown last night.

I'm surprised to find that I still have feelings of jealousy when I see that someone else is pregnant or had a baby. I still wonder and worry about how this will all work out for us, and I get upset when I remember that even when that kiddo makes their appearance, we are not it's permanent family. How do you bond and develop a relationship with an infant in the first place, let alone one that isn't yours...and might not stay? Can we put aside our feelings of jealousy, resentment and frustration and do what's best for the baby and their family? Will we ever end up being 'what's best'?

All of these things are questions no one can answer right now. So for now, I wait, and worry, and question, and clean...and keep on trucking!

-Jenn

Guess What Came Today...

I'm doing my best not to think about the fact that now we have to wait for a call...

But we're one step closer!

The Wait Is Killing Me

Well, it's about 7-ish weeks since our paperwork was submitted to the state. We're still waiting to receive our license, and then we'll wait again to receive phone calls. I have checked my mail religiously each day, hoping that it's there. But it's not.

And then I read articles like this one and it frustrates me. I'd gladly up the number of foster homes to 2301 in the state of Iowa...if we could ever move past the bureaucratic nonsense that is "The System". I understand that people have to be vetted, and that we don't want to put kids in harms way...but I feel like there has to be a better way of accomplishing this than a 10 month process.

Waiting sucks. And it's hard. 

The good news is, after I read that article, I called our support worker and she told me that our adoption license was finalized. So at least now our paperwork will be shown to adoption specialists and if there is a child who would be a good fit with our family that's already up for adoption (meaning that parental rights are terminated), then we could get a call about them.

So, I'm still finding ways to fill my days. I'm committed to working out, and have been going at least five times a week since New Year's (I feel like that's an accomplishment since they say the majority of New Year's Resolution-ers are done by January 21st.) Getting up early to work out has forced me to be more organized in general, and so my laundry gets done weekly (instead of every 3 weeks) now, my kitchen has never been this consistently clean, and I'm cooking dinners at home, and bringing my breakfast and lunch to work. Overall, this workout stuff has been pretty successful for me! And, while the goal is mostly increased health, weight loss won't hurt either. Next week we're starting the Live Healthy Iowa Challenge, which should help keep me motivated. Look for updates...I'll find out if a little healthy competition helps keep me motivated.

I'm also starting a new business venture soon, and looking forward to the possibilities that may bring.

Overall, while the it's hard to wait, I'm still accomplishing good things. I'm sure there's a plan for this whole process, but it's really hard to see that plan in the middle of all this waiting.

-Jenn