Three weeks ago, if you had asked me where this was going, I would have told you it wasn't likely they were going home. Sad for bio mom and dad, but good for us.
This week, it's a different story. Lately, there seems to be a definite shift with bio-Mom. Bio-dad...eh...but bio-Mom seems to be pulling herself together.
I have always said that bio-mom would be a great parent, if she could cut a few things out of her life and get her head on straight. She loves her kids, she's smart, she's kind. I've always said that if she could cut those things out, I could feel good about sending Lovebug home.
Well, that's a lot easier said when things aren't going well. Today, as it's becoming evident that those things are being cut out, and that she may be making permanent changes for the better in her life, I'm having a hard time dealing with the idea of Lovebug going home. For the first time since this case started, I'm finding myself dealing with the reality that Lovebug may not be the baby we're meant to have. And that we may have to start this journey over again in a few months/next year. And the truth is, that breaks my heart.
Bio-Mom promises to keep in touch, to keep us a part of Lovebug's life once she goes home. She can't imagine being in our shoes, doing what we do. She says we have helped change her life, and she makes all the other people she knows with kids in foster care jealous when she talks about us and how we work with her.
Someday, I know that will feel really amazing to hear. Today, it makes me cry and want to shut down completely. As if, by NOT communicating, by NOT assisting with things, it will somehow make sending Lovebug home easier. Logically, I know that's not the truth.
This may just be a phase, and that there's a distinct possibility that in a few more weeks, things will go back to the way they were. But today, these feelings are real, and difficult to process.
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