The Best Laid Plans

Before the conversations of foster-to-adopt began, before Lovebug, before trouble conceiving and all the issues that came along with that, and even up to the day Lovebug came home, I had big plans. You know, the kind of plans every mom has- how she'll raise her kids, what she'll let her kids do that her mother never let her do, what books she'll read, what schedule she'll keep, what discipline method she'll use...big plans.

I was going to cloth diaper, and make homemade baby food, and never turn on the TV. I would be so organized, and the housework would always stay caught up, and dinners and lunches would get made without question. Yup. I was going to rock this momma thing.

Fast forward to today:
I use Luv's: Mostly because Lovebug has to be in disposable diapers for visits and daycare, which essentially leaves me with 4 nights a week and half a weekend that I could use cloth diapers...it kind of defeats the purpose.

Lovebug eats Gerber baby food. And she loves it. I tried. I did. She hated my homemade baby food. Now, granted I probably needed to blend it more and add more water, I was new at it. But frankly, Gerber is healthy. And it's just easier.

The TV does get turned on. My husband is much worse about this than I am, but I'll even admit that when you are home alone, or cuddling a sleeping baby, you need some entertainment. If I have the TV on while she's awake, I pick shows that are not graphic or violent (so, Criminal Minds is saved for after bed time).

Lovebug does not live on a strict schedule. She has made her own, and it seems to work for us most of the time, so we let it go. I don't have my own life on a schedule enough to be able to keep hers on one.

And you know what? It's ok.

And here's a little secret...I justify my choices. And maybe this isn't great, but it's the truth. I justify my choices by saying to myself, "Well, at least I don't beat her, or use drugs around her. And she's always fed/clothed/clean and happy..."

But the fact of the matter is simply that Lovebug is a part of our family, and our family doesn't have schedules, and we watch TV, and we eat crap sometimes. I want her to be healthy, and to live a rich life, full of joy and prosperity. I want her to grow up and have great memories of backyard games, and slumber parties, and science experiments.

And if she's still with us, I can guarantee that she will have all of that and more. But there will still be nights when she's out late, and their will still be crap food, and she will still watch TV.

And I'm ok with that.
-Jenn