Commitment Issues

I sit here, staring at a screen whose title reads 'Place Your Order'. And something is stopping me from pressing the button. It's not the cost, or that I'm unsure if it's the right item.

It's a book my sister-in-law recommends highly: "Baby Bargains" (the 9th edition). She used it all the time while shopping for baby stuff for my beautiful niece, and it would definitely answer the questions I'm having (like, is it worth paying $300 for a carseat, or is the $150 one just as safe?) But I'm hesitant to purchase it, because we still haven't heard from the state.

And that's not unusual. It hasn't even been 3 weeks since we submitted the last paperwork. They told us a month from the day we submitted everything. And if I know the state (and I do...I work with them everyday), we'll probably be lucky if it is within that month window, and not a day or two later.

I just want an answer. I want DHS to conclude what I already know- that my husband, though he's made mistakes, will be an amazing father. And that placing a child (or a few) in our care will be one of the best decisions made for that child. I want to be able to buy "Baby Bargains" and go clothes shopping on Tax Free Holiday. But I'm having commitment issues. I don't want to purchase another item that, if we aren't approved, will be another reminder that we are stuck.

Logically, I think what you all are probably thinking. "It's just a few more weeks. It's not that long. Just wait, you'll have plenty of time to buy all the stuff you want and need." But it's a rough wait. It's hard to have such an important part of your future in another person's hands.

But for tonight, I'll close the window. I can always order it tomorrow. Tonight, I'll go to bed (and hope to fall asleep despite Dan's loud snoring) and maybe tomorrow I'll get that call from the state. :)