The First Call

Well, it didn't take too long to get our first call! 

We actually got one yesterday, but it was for a teen boy. We are really not equipped to handle teens (we are barely 10 years older than some!) So we declined that placement, which was pretty easy to do. I just hope that's not the only thing we get called for!

I'm not sure I can do justice in writing when I describe the feeling I got when I saw a missed call from Iowa KidsNet on my caller ID yesterday. My heart jumped, my stomach turned a little, and my mind went into overdrive...all in the space of about 10 seconds! That was all before we heard the details of the situation, and turned it down. But it was a good preview of how I will feel when that perfect call does come in...a little crazy!

The call got me thinking of all the things I wanted to get done before a kiddo comes into our lives...so I managed to get the indoor Christmas decorations taken down, change the batteries in the smoke alarms, deep clean the kitchen, and wash another load of baby clothes and towels (kindly gifted from the girls at work!) It's sort of my own version of nesting...

In fact, there are a lot of things about this process that (I imagine) are similar to the last few weeks of a pregnancy. Emotions in overdrive, lists of things to do, questions about finishing things for work, and what the first few days with another little person in our lives will be like...it's a lot to handle! I feel blessed that we're finally getting to the point where this is feeling real, and at the same time I had a meltdown last night.

I'm surprised to find that I still have feelings of jealousy when I see that someone else is pregnant or had a baby. I still wonder and worry about how this will all work out for us, and I get upset when I remember that even when that kiddo makes their appearance, we are not it's permanent family. How do you bond and develop a relationship with an infant in the first place, let alone one that isn't yours...and might not stay? Can we put aside our feelings of jealousy, resentment and frustration and do what's best for the baby and their family? Will we ever end up being 'what's best'?

All of these things are questions no one can answer right now. So for now, I wait, and worry, and question, and clean...and keep on trucking!

-Jenn

Guess What Came Today...

I'm doing my best not to think about the fact that now we have to wait for a call...

But we're one step closer!

The Wait Is Killing Me

Well, it's about 7-ish weeks since our paperwork was submitted to the state. We're still waiting to receive our license, and then we'll wait again to receive phone calls. I have checked my mail religiously each day, hoping that it's there. But it's not.

And then I read articles like this one and it frustrates me. I'd gladly up the number of foster homes to 2301 in the state of Iowa...if we could ever move past the bureaucratic nonsense that is "The System". I understand that people have to be vetted, and that we don't want to put kids in harms way...but I feel like there has to be a better way of accomplishing this than a 10 month process.

Waiting sucks. And it's hard. 

The good news is, after I read that article, I called our support worker and she told me that our adoption license was finalized. So at least now our paperwork will be shown to adoption specialists and if there is a child who would be a good fit with our family that's already up for adoption (meaning that parental rights are terminated), then we could get a call about them.

So, I'm still finding ways to fill my days. I'm committed to working out, and have been going at least five times a week since New Year's (I feel like that's an accomplishment since they say the majority of New Year's Resolution-ers are done by January 21st.) Getting up early to work out has forced me to be more organized in general, and so my laundry gets done weekly (instead of every 3 weeks) now, my kitchen has never been this consistently clean, and I'm cooking dinners at home, and bringing my breakfast and lunch to work. Overall, this workout stuff has been pretty successful for me! And, while the goal is mostly increased health, weight loss won't hurt either. Next week we're starting the Live Healthy Iowa Challenge, which should help keep me motivated. Look for updates...I'll find out if a little healthy competition helps keep me motivated.

I'm also starting a new business venture soon, and looking forward to the possibilities that may bring.

Overall, while the it's hard to wait, I'm still accomplishing good things. I'm sure there's a plan for this whole process, but it's really hard to see that plan in the middle of all this waiting.

-Jenn

Christmas In the Draper House

It was a busy Christmas this year in our house! We had Dan's parents and oldest brother and sister-in-law, along with our cutie-patootie niece, Bryn, stay with us all the way from Charleston, S.C. We also had his other brother and his girlfriend, and my parents and sister, and some friends, popping in and out throughout the week. Needless to say I had little no time to update recently.

Things have calmed down around the house now, and we're slowly putting away the holiday decor and getting back to the daily grind. Today was my first day back at work in a week and a half...and boy was it S-L-O-W. Everyone else must have taken lots of time off too, because I only had three e-mails upon return.

As tonight is New Year's Eve, I'm busy making a resolutions list, most of which I'm sure to disregard within a month. "Develop a stronger sense of patience" is at the top of that list. As January rolls in, I am reminded that it's approaching the 30 day mark for the wait for our license...but, I suspect that if I can take a week and a half off during the holidays, so can the license approval people. Which means that our license will probably come later than I had hoped. Just means a few more days of sleep, right?

Looking forward to celebrating tonight, in my sparkly purple dress and heels, and looking forward to all that 2013 has to offer!

-Jenn

Room for One More

I've been promising this post! I finally got pictures of the nursery taken, now that it's just about finished. It's a little bland right now, but I'm sure it will be filled with character very shortly!

Caution: Night time, cell phone photos ahead!

It's a small room. Let's be honest...this is almost the whole thing.

The steal-of-a-deal crib (that Mom almost had a brawl over) and the mobile from our Jaycees Baby Shower!

Remember this post? I got the nursery set!

Babies need toys and books!

We have some great people with mad skills in my life!
Our friend Tiff made the first blanket, and  my Grandma made the next three.

Drawers stuffed with clothes of all different sizes, for both sexes!

I made the valance, and the jungle animals are stickers.

It looks like there is a perfect space for a name here!

I picked this up years ago from a cool, local artist and I have been saving it for a nursery ever since.

And there you have it, folks. It's almost done...just needs a kiddo! We should hear soon that our paperwork is turned into the state, and from there it's a 30-60 day wait for our license, and then anxiously checking our phones!

Promises, Promises

I've promised myself (and, more importantly, my hubby) that I will not buy any more clothes until we have a placement. We have plenty of things to get us through a day or two of either sex, from preemie to 18 months. I really don't need to buy any more clothes. But seriously...how cute are these?

Truths About Prepping for Foster Care/Adoption

We had our final home visit on Monday night, and things went really well. Our licensing worker has been really great, and we're a little disappointed that we're finished with her! From now on we will work with other staff at Iowa KidsNet to handle placements and relicensing process (next year). Abby, our licensing worker, had all of our paperwork, and had been able to write up most of our home study (that's the official report that goes to the the state). She just needed clarification on a few points, and some more phone numbers for references (so if we gave her yours, be nice!) So the rest of this approval process is now in the hands of the wonderful people at Iowa KidsNet and DHS. We have done everything we could to make it go quickly, and now we wait.

Not having tasks to focus on makes my mind wander, and I thought I would address some of these wandering thoughts with a post.

Truth #1: I still wonder "What if this doesn't work?" How long, and how often, will Dan and I be able to do this process without finding our baby? We know that it may not (probably won't) be the first baby who stays with us. But how many placements will come and go before we can't handle it any more? Logically, I know that there really isn't an answer to this right now. The answer to this will come when, and if, that situation occurs. This process, like any other, is one that we have to experience, not plan. Hard to remember when you'd really like to plan for holidays next year, or a summer vacation, or family pictures.

Truth #2: I'm still a little jealous. I still have lots of friends having babies. And I still get a twinge of jealousy in knowing that their path is permanent. I still feel sad that I may not be able to offer my stories of labor and delivery when the girls in the office start talking about it. I may not know what the first 6 months, or 8 months, or 10, are like with a baby. But I am reminded, when someone I know is looking down a similar path that Dan and I are traveling asks me about the process, that I have my own stories to share, and my own advice to offer. A difficult truth for a traditionalist like me, but a truth none the less.

Truth #3: I trust God a little more today than yesterday. Because we are never given a path that we aren't able to walk. And families come in all shapes and sizes. And because I haven't been let down yet.



Happy Friday, ya'll!

-Jenn