Room for One More

I've been promising this post! I finally got pictures of the nursery taken, now that it's just about finished. It's a little bland right now, but I'm sure it will be filled with character very shortly!

Caution: Night time, cell phone photos ahead!

It's a small room. Let's be honest...this is almost the whole thing.

The steal-of-a-deal crib (that Mom almost had a brawl over) and the mobile from our Jaycees Baby Shower!

Remember this post? I got the nursery set!

Babies need toys and books!

We have some great people with mad skills in my life!
Our friend Tiff made the first blanket, and  my Grandma made the next three.

Drawers stuffed with clothes of all different sizes, for both sexes!

I made the valance, and the jungle animals are stickers.

It looks like there is a perfect space for a name here!

I picked this up years ago from a cool, local artist and I have been saving it for a nursery ever since.

And there you have it, folks. It's almost done...just needs a kiddo! We should hear soon that our paperwork is turned into the state, and from there it's a 30-60 day wait for our license, and then anxiously checking our phones!

Promises, Promises

I've promised myself (and, more importantly, my hubby) that I will not buy any more clothes until we have a placement. We have plenty of things to get us through a day or two of either sex, from preemie to 18 months. I really don't need to buy any more clothes. But seriously...how cute are these?

Truths About Prepping for Foster Care/Adoption

We had our final home visit on Monday night, and things went really well. Our licensing worker has been really great, and we're a little disappointed that we're finished with her! From now on we will work with other staff at Iowa KidsNet to handle placements and relicensing process (next year). Abby, our licensing worker, had all of our paperwork, and had been able to write up most of our home study (that's the official report that goes to the the state). She just needed clarification on a few points, and some more phone numbers for references (so if we gave her yours, be nice!) So the rest of this approval process is now in the hands of the wonderful people at Iowa KidsNet and DHS. We have done everything we could to make it go quickly, and now we wait.

Not having tasks to focus on makes my mind wander, and I thought I would address some of these wandering thoughts with a post.

Truth #1: I still wonder "What if this doesn't work?" How long, and how often, will Dan and I be able to do this process without finding our baby? We know that it may not (probably won't) be the first baby who stays with us. But how many placements will come and go before we can't handle it any more? Logically, I know that there really isn't an answer to this right now. The answer to this will come when, and if, that situation occurs. This process, like any other, is one that we have to experience, not plan. Hard to remember when you'd really like to plan for holidays next year, or a summer vacation, or family pictures.

Truth #2: I'm still a little jealous. I still have lots of friends having babies. And I still get a twinge of jealousy in knowing that their path is permanent. I still feel sad that I may not be able to offer my stories of labor and delivery when the girls in the office start talking about it. I may not know what the first 6 months, or 8 months, or 10, are like with a baby. But I am reminded, when someone I know is looking down a similar path that Dan and I are traveling asks me about the process, that I have my own stories to share, and my own advice to offer. A difficult truth for a traditionalist like me, but a truth none the less.

Truth #3: I trust God a little more today than yesterday. Because we are never given a path that we aren't able to walk. And families come in all shapes and sizes. And because I haven't been let down yet.



Happy Friday, ya'll!

-Jenn

Catching Up

Woah! Time flies when you're having fun, huh? It's been a while since my last post...October has been crazy!

We finished our PS-MAPP classes a few weeks ago, and turned in a TON of homework, including a our books that had to be completed because we were missing our last class. It feels like time flew by, even though the classes were sometimes a little boring to sit through.

We also managed to get most of the important stuff up in the nursery- the crib has a mattress, there's a nice chair, and the dresser (ugh...the dresser...more on that at another time). Just need to hang some stuff up and throw some splashes of color in, and it should be all ready for the first kiddo to grace it. I'll post pictures sometime this week, when I'm finished with it.

We're looking forward to our final homestudy on November 5th. We'll basically spend time going through everything we talked about at the previous two, but it will be written down this time, and we'll sign off on it. She will also be checking out our place to make sure it's finally ready for placement (we shouldn't have any issues), and answer any final questions we have. From there, the supervisor at the agency will review it and submit it to DHS by December 3rd, and DHS takes 30-60 days to approve and send us our license. We are anticipating sometime after the first of the year to start getting calls, but because the holidays are such a stressful time, there is a small chance that they will make things quicker and we could be placed around Christmas. We're not holding our breath for that date, though.

I have to be honest, now that we are done with everything, I have these moments where I stop and think "WHAT are we doing? This is crazy! What if we're not ready for this?" But I'm comforted with reminders that all new parents feel that way at some point. So then I take a deep breath, and continue the journey one step at a time. It's all we can do!

On a final note: I recognize that this blog is seriously lacking in pictures. I promise I'll make that up sometime soon! But for now, check out this cute "Parents to Be" photo shoot by a couple fostering-to-adopt! How great is that?!

Until next time, friends!

-J

PS-MAPP Class 1-6 Overview

So, I realized I haven't updated you all on our classes recently! We have four (well, technically five but we're missing the last class) more before we're done!

Class 1: Introductions and the basics of foster care/adoption/respite (temporary fostering) care

Class 2: Cycle of need (how it differs in children in foster care), steps in a foster care case (how a family becomes a client, a very abridged version of how eventual adoption/reunification happens), and stages of development in children and recognizing what's 'abnormal' about a child's development.

Class 3: The need to be a 'loss expert' and how many different forms there are of loss. We talked about the normal stages of grief, how important it is to support children during times of loss (and tips on how to do that), and we discussed the importance of partnership.

Class 4: Helping children with attachments. We discussed Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, how important attachment is and how many children in foster care have difficulties attaching or developing meaningful attachments and suggestions on how to build those attachments with a variety of children.

Class 5: Behavior management. We talked about the differences between punishment (something you do to stop a behavior) versus discipline (something you do to change or encourage a specific behavior). In most cases, discipline is preferred over punishment. We talked about a variety of techniques to discipline children, and that physical punishment is not allowed in the foster care system. We learned some of the ways case workers identify children who need to be removed from their birth parents (a safety concern versus a risk).

Class 6: The importance of keeping a child connected to their birth families, or in absence of that, their cultural roots and heritage. We talked about different activities we could do, places we could go (locally) to maintain attachment, etc. Dan and I both felt like this was the most valuable class so far, because we really started talking about the foster care and adoption process in depth (timing of things, your rights as a foster/adoptive parent, etc).

We have a set of case studies that we use every class to reiterate the information we have learned, and give us some 'real-world application'. They are real cases of children (different ages, backgrounds, etc.) who were placed in the foster care system for a variety of reasons, and we use them to identify some of the things we feel we absolutely could not handle.

Overall, the classes have been long and sometimes tedious, but I think they are a really useful tool in helping you make sure this decision is in your family's best interest. We have had some questions come up that we hadn't thought of, and we've gotten a lot of answers to questions that  you just can't find on the internet. We're anxious to have Thursday nights back, though!

Technically, we have four classes left, but Dan and I will only be attending the next three. We'll be off on family vacation for the last one!

I Still Don't Care About Your Constipation

About a year ago, I made a post on Facebook that was fairly controversial among my friends:

11/16/11 "Among the list of things I hate: listening to people constantly complain about their pregnancy. Sit down, shut up and count your blessings. I'd gladly take your place. I'm sure it's not all roses, but it certainly has to be worth it in the end."

I made the post in reference to a few select girls who posted, quite literally, on a daily basis about what was wrong with their pregnancy. Acid reflux, constipation, dry skin, stretch marks...Frankly, all things that, even as a woman who's never been pregnant, I can safely say I understand are part of pregnancy.

Many of my friends misinterpreted this post, and got very defensive about it (either on the thread or in private messages). They thought that I was saying Facebook should not be used to talk about your baby, and insisted that I was just jealous because I wasn't pregnant. Truth be told, I was jealous, but even if I had not been, and had gotten pregnant, Facebook is not the place to complain about how awful you feel every day.

As an "expectant mother" myself now, I can truly say that I am no longer jealous of pregnant chicks. I have found my path to motherhood, and gratefully get to miss acid reflux/stretch marks/dry skin/constipation/throwing up etc. But...

I still don't want to hear your dirty details every day.

If you need a suggestion about how to handle your situation (example: gosh, I can't eat anything without getting heartburn! What worked for you?) that's fine. If you plan to regale us with the latest trip to the bathroom (5 times a day) and all that ensued, or complain (once again) about how tired you are and how nothing got done today, I beg you to reconsider. No matter how much your friends love you, it really gets annoying.

Rant over!
-Jenn

We're Expecting!

Don't get too excited, the plan hasn't changed!

Yesterday, while I was in another office for work, one of my supervisors asked me if it was "public knowledge that I was an expecting mother?" I quickly corrected her, reminding her that I was just fostering and adopting, not having a baby. And her response? "Don't be silly, of course you are expecting! Are you not expecting to have a baby in your house soon?" And the answer, of course, is yes.

I am so lucky to have supportive people all over in my life, who are helping us get through this process. This particular woman has been a mentor and a guide through the infertility questions, and now is a huge supporter and a great role model for successful adoption. She has already given me some great ideas about getting through the process, building attachment and bonding with my child, and I know there's so much more to come! I'm so glad to have her on my team! :)

PS-MAPP 2 class was last week. In this class, we discussed the importance of communication and of having a relationship with the birth parents. I'm sure this is something that is much easier said than done, as every situation is different, and every parent is different, but the idea seems pretty logical.

We also spent a good amount of time discussing the types of children we will see come through foster care- different disabilities, different life experiences (sexual abuse, drug exposure, etc.) This topic seemed to be the most useful. Dan and I really started to get a handle on what we could accept and what we would have to decline, and if we accepted certain cases, what we could expect to come along with those.

Our first home study is scheduled for September 18th! We, of course, are still working on all of the associated paperwork. The cats go to the vet for vaccines on Friday, this weekend I must clean out my closets and organize my file drawers, because I seem to have misplaced my marriage license (which they also need a copy of). And there is the small matter of a crib and chair that need to be moved out of the living room and into the (non-existent) nursery...so much to do, so little time!