Ethical Conundrums

It's becoming more evident each day that Lovebug's stay with us is less 'temporary' than originally planned. When she was accepted into our home, we were expecting to have her for a week or two. We've passed the one month mark, with no end it sight. Which is good and bad. Let me explain.

Good for us! We love having Lovebug, and can't get enough of her gorgeous smile, puffy cheeks and 'kisses' she's recently started practicing. Good in general, because no child is removed without reason, and this case is no exception. The kids (Lovebug has two older brothers at a different foster home), are doing so well all around.

Bad for mom and Lovebug's brothers. Obviously, no one likes the idea of a family being separated, and it's hard for me to imagine having given birth to Lovebug and not be able to see her everyday. Hell, it's hard for me to imagine not seeing her everyday now!

I thought it was time to share some thoughts that have been running through my head in the last month. Fostering is an interesting position to be in, for me personally. I knew I would get attached, and I knew that it would be hard to detach when the time came. I went into this accepting that, on the surface. But now that things are more long-term, I have some serious ethical conundrums going on. CAUTION: I am fully aware that what I'm about to write may be contrary to the mission and vision of foster care. But this is the truth, as I see it, and I believe that people going into this process deserve to have a view of a variety of feelings that come along with this experience.

I work in human services. I want to see people succeed, and I really believe that the education, treatment, and help that human services agencies provide can be life-changing. And when you go through PS-MAPP classes, you learn that it's preferable to have children stay with their parents, as long as they are in a safe environment. But I'm also human. And a parent looking to adopt through this process. And I know that the home and opportunities we provide Lovebug are far different (and, dare I say, better) than the one her mother provides now, and maybe ever will provide.

So, I find myself hoping that mom gets the help she needs...but maybe AFTER we have the opportunity to adopt Lovebug. And when I pray for Lovebug to grow up strong and healthy with a great family...I also hope that family is us. And then I start to feel guilty for hoping and wishing these things, and not just praying for things to work out in the way that is best for all involved.

I am encouraged when I hear from other foster parents that my feelings are not unique or uncommon. But they are uncomfortable feelings for me, regardless of how many other people feel them. So, for today, I remain hopeful that I can find a way to balance my feelings, and be at peace with the things that happen with this case, whatever they are.

And I enjoy baby kisses while they last!