Breakfast Time

Mornings are hard in my house. I'm trying a variety of things to make them go easier/faster...but for some reason I just can't get out the door in a timely fashion! One of our biggest morning sticking points is breakfast. Lovebug is still too little to send her out the door munching on something in the car, and it easily takes her 10-15 minutes to get those little bits of fruit and cherrios into her mouth (and of course, into the cats' mouths as well).

I also have food issues, and I want to make sure that she's getting a healthy breakfast (and not the coffee and poptart crap I feed myself). This has actually been a really good thing, because it's forcing me to consider my eating habits, and much of what I feed her, I can actually eat myself! And so, I present Mom and Baby morning muffins!

This is actually a variation of this recipe and this one.

Banana Blueberry Oatmeal Muffins

3 eggs

1 Tablespoon vanilla extract

1 cup unsweetened applesauce

1 cup (I used a little less) brown sugar

2 bananas, sliced

1 cup of blueberries, fresh

5 cups of Quick Cook Oats

1 teaspoon salt

3 teaspoons baking powder

2 1/2 cup milk (I used 1%)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees

In large bowl, combine eggs, vanilla and applesauce and mix well.

Add brown sugar, bananas and blueberries (or other fruit). (You can also add chocolate chips, but add them last, if you do!)

In a separate bowl, combine oats, salt, and baking powder.

Add dry ingredients to the wet ingredients.

Add milk, and stir to combine.

Spray mini-muffin pan and large muffin pan (or use liners) with cooking spray.

Scoop mixture into muffin cups- I put one pan of minis and 1 pan of large in together. 

Bake! I put the minis in for 20 minutes, and the larges for 35 minutes. It made 36 minis and 12 large with some left over (I could have put more batter in the large cups).

This morning, I broke one up for Lovebug and served it with some pears and apples I had steamed on Sunday as well. She loved it!

So did the cats :)

Taking the Words Out of My Mouth

There's a post I've been struggling to write. Not because it's difficult to say, necessarily, but because I feel like it's already been written for me. 

I read a lot of foster/adoption blogs, and many of them express feelings and experiences similar to mine. But very few posts ring so true, and touch me so deeply, right into my inner soul, as the one I'm going to share with you in a few minutes.

Before you read it, you should know that even though the feelings expressed in this post are so true, and so right on the mark, it doesn't mean that I'll never be frustrated with things again. It doesn't mean I don't see the holes in this process, and that I don't cry and scream when things go badly. What it does mean is that everyone is human. And that you can't successfully go through an experience like fostering without becoming a bigger person.

But that doesn't mean that fostering is the only way to broaden your horizons on loving other human beings for who they are. I challenge you, after you've read this post, to question how you love your fellow humans- not just the ones you call friends and family, but the ones you'll never meet. People who struggle, who make poor choices, who hurt...

Check out That's my baby mama, a post by another foster/adoptive mom in Connecticut.

And then practice loving, and gratitude.

-Jenn

One of "Those People"

Not one year ago I was complaining about "those people" who plan absurd, extravagant affairs for a one year old's birthday.

Today, I'm looking at things like this for inspiration:

  

 
 

And I may have priced tents, popcorn makers, and other totally unnecessary items.

Someone stop me.

Or don't, and plan to attend a totally kickass one year old birthday party in September. Your choice. :)

Foster Care Review Boards, or, Feeling Heard (Hooray!)

First off: Today marks 4 months with Lovebug in our house! Seriously, these have been a few of the best/worst/crazy/amazing months of our lives.

Secondly: Today we attended the first meeting we've had in this process where we felt comfortable speaking freely, sharing our thoughts, and felt really heard. WOOHOO! A small bit of success in this crazy journey!

We attended the Foster Care Review Board (FCRB) meeting. The FCRB is a group of volunteers (devided by county) who get together and review foster care cases for all the kids in the county and send recommendations to the judge. They are housed under the Department of Inspections and Appeals, so they can review DHS and state attorneys without misconceptions of conflicts of interest. They review all the parties- DHS, attorneys, foster parents, birth parents, etc. To ensure that the kids are receiving the best care that they can be.

Dan and I were really nervous about this meeting at first. We had heard from other foster parents that it's intimidating and that they prefer not to attend because they feel judged and uncomfortable. Let me start by saying, we did not feel that way at all. That may be attributed to the fact that we are the only people who showed up in person (aside from the board members, obviously), but we felt very welcomed and included.

When we came in, we were greeted warmly, we introduced Lovebug and let her charm their pants off, and then we got down to business. First, we gave a very brief updated of what Lovebug was doing these days (learning to sit up on her own from a crawling position, working on learning to crawl, pull herself up, and cruise furniture). After that, the coordinator read out loud a few statements that were sent by DHS and Lovebug's attorney (who couldn't make it because of court dates for other cases). After those statements were read, we spent about half an hour discussing the case- situations that had happened, was Lovebug getting everything she needed, were there any concerns, how were her brothers around her, how was she on visits or after them, did her parents provide things at visits or what kinds of things did they do, etc. Because her brothers and their foster dad weren't able to make it, I did answer a few questions regarding them or what I understood to be the case. Nothing that I felt uncomfortable with, and only things I had concrete information to share.

Dan and I felt we were able to share important information- all of it true, concise accounts of things that had happened. I never lied, I was very careful not to let my bias interfere with what I was saying, and I never said anything that was unfair. I was also able to provide documentation of any significant issues we've had since Lovebug was in our care (just a simple timeline). For example:
"X/X/13- Text from biomom
X/X/13- Dr visit- Dr reported XYZ, suggested XYZ. Biomom/dad made aware of dr. appt on X/X/13 but did not attend.
X/X/13- Visit cancelled due to..."
It sounded like that was a helpful tool to add to their files. I will continue to keep it updated going forward.

And then, the all important question about our interest in adoption. Which, of course, we said we would be interested in.

Ultimately, I don't know how much a judge looks at these notes/recommendations, but it was great to feel validated and told that we were doing a great job because of XYZ, rather than 'Hey, thanks for being foster parents.' like anyone could do it, you just happen to be there. It means so much when people notice the specific care that is put into things for Lovebug, and the time and dedication we spend not only repairing old wounds (physical and emotional), but also preventing new ones. That we are equal partners in this process, and that we know these kids (sometimes) better than their biological parents.

Everyone who was invited will receive notes from this meeting within 15 days, and those notes will include their recommendation. I think this review board idea is the best part of the process I've dealt with yet! Thank goodness, because I don't know if I could have attended another bad meeting. :)

-Jenn

The "I" in Team

Last week we attended our first Family Team Meeting. It was an interesting experience, and while I'm not able to discuss specifics, I feel that it's important to address this meeting (or at least this type of meeting) so those of you who are beginning this process know what to look forward to.

A Family Team Meeting (or FTM, as they are referred to by most people involved in the process), is a meeting that is facilitated by an outside organization and it's designed to give everyone involved with a case the opportunity to check in and update everyone on the standings of the case. It's where problems are dealt with, and it's a chance for parents to ask for clarification or help, and ultimately create an action plan for the next month or two as the family works toward reunification. All the team players are there- parents, DHS, lawyers (for parents and kids), service providers (the visit supervisor, counselors, mentors, etc.) and anyone else that the family invites to attend.

That bolded part means that foster parents only attend these meetings if they are invited by the parents. I was pleased to have been invited to the meeting, and had hopes of getting some questions answered and some clarification about our case, as well as some permission for things Lovebug needed. While I was aware it was not a meeting for me, I figured things would be discussed that would give us a better idea of where people were at in the process.

So at this meeting they start with discussing the ground rules, the goals of the meeting (and the case), and an update of where things stand. The meetings are 'success focused', so they ask that everything brought up be in terms of the family's success (so, for example, 'visits are going really well, the way that you do XYZ with Son #1 and still manage to do XYZ with your two daughters shows that you're really mastering giving them all equal attention, But we don't feel like we can justify moving your visits to overnight right now because of XYZ'). Pretty typical stuff if you're in the human services field.

After updates are out of the way, they get to the meat of the case: what's been done, when, by whom, and what still needs to be accomplished. Who's going to take care of those tasks, by when, and what do they need to make it happen? They do this for the parents as well as each child. They end when there's a set plan for the next few weeks, and they determine when the next meeting would be appropriate to have (usually about a month or two away).

Overall, it was a hard meeting to sit through. It was hard to hear things the parents wanted, it was hard to hear them talk about things they had done, to justify decisions that had been made in the past...but mostly it was hard because I left feeling run over. I left feeling like there was no one in my corner, no one to stand up and say 'That's not the foster parent's job'. I ended up volunteering for something because I felt I had no other choice, and left feeling like my life was being taken over and ruled by the bio-parents. And I heard from the other foster parent in attendance that he felt the same way.

I was able to fix things after the meeting, and managed to deal with my emotions and move on. But I have a few nuggets of advice if you're attending an FTM:

• Go in knowing what you want, what you're willing to do and with questions you may have.
• Don't hesitate to say 'I'm going to need some time to think about that one.'
• It's OK to talk to your Iowa KidsNet support worker about the FTM, what you can expect, etc.
• Ultimately, you are your own advocate, in this meeting and in this process as a whole.
• You have a right to privacy, and if you feel uncomfortable with the level that's being disclosed, you have the right to say so.
• Finally, as with every other step of this process, remember why you are doing this. Go home, take a deep breath, and give the kiddo a hug. My guess is that anything you're dealing with is a small matter compared to what the kid has had to endure.

Have a good week!

-Jenn

Mad Mom Skills

You ever have those weeks that you are just "on it"? I mean great weeks, where you are rocking the mom thing, kick ass and taking names at work, home life is running smoothly...and the weather is beautiful to boot?

I'm having one of those weeks. And it's really nice. It could be a combination of the fact that spring finally feels like it's arrived and my new thyroid meds are kicking in, but my Mad Mom Skills have to play a part, right?

This week, I managed to plan real dinners almost every day so far (Dan has been able to help cook, so that helps), the laundry got washed, dried and folded! Lovebug and I managed to take a walk or get out in the sun for at least a little bit each day, my fiscal year goals are all met for the year at work with two months to spare, I managed to get a gift basket put together for Dan's boss (they welcomed a new little man last weekend), and I also got super cute snacks made for Teacher Appreciation day at Lovebug's daycare...and it's only Wednesday!

The only thing I'm slacking on is sleep.

Which is the constant struggle, isn't it? Is there someone out there who's figured out how to get all of the great stuff in to a day/week without sacrificing something? If so, they deserve a Nobel Prize.

Here's a few pictures and the recipe for the cake and icing, inspired from these sites:
SavorySweetLife.com      www.TwoBusyBlondes.com

The goods! I used two boxes of white cake mix and prepared as directed.

I think I could have left a couple of these colors out and achieved the same effect.

I should have added more batter, if I'd had any left.

Don't forget water in the bottom of the cake pans!

Life is better with buttercream and frosting!

Rainbow Cake

White cake mix and ingredients as indicated on box

Wiltons food coloring paste (the kind for icing- check Michaels with a 40% coupon!)

Prep batter: I used two boxes of cake and made 13 jars, but they were pretty small cakes. I recommend more batter to fill the jars higher- fill the jar about half way with raw batter.

Add colors: Separate batter evenly into small bowls. I eyeballed colors using the food coloring paste- remember, a little goes a LONG way with this stuff. Start with a drop and go from there.

If you want to make lots of these cakes, skip the separate bowls and add the food coloring straight to the batter. You can minimize the number of colors you use, also.

Fill jars: I mixed the colors in bowls and then transferred them to ziplock bags to squirt into each jar. In hindsight, I would skip one of these steps, because the baking soda in the cake mix looses it's effectiveness after all the mixing and transferring. I think using the bowls and then a funnel and spoon to fill each jar would be best.

Bake: Clean off the dribbles from the sides of the jars or they will get brown and mess with the whole look :) And then place jars in 9X13 cake pans with some water at the bottom. Bake at 350 degrees for about 30 minutes, and then test them.

Buttercream Frosting

2 sticks of butter (unsalted)

3 Cups of sifted powdered sugar

1 Tbsp vanilla

2 Tbsp milk

dash of table salt

Sift powdered sugar in to separate bowl

Butter should be slightly soft, the consistency of ice cream. Place in mixer and turn on Medium speed. Turn off mixer when butter is creamy

Add sugar, turn mixer on Lowest speed until sugar is blended with butter (so it doesn't blow everywhere), and then turn up mixer to Medium and blend until all sugar is incorporated into butter.

Add milk, salt and vanilla and finish combining on Medium.

Taste your frosting! Is too stiff? Add another tablespoon of milk. Too wet, add a bit more powdered sugar.

I made one batch of this and used the whole bowl of frosting on 13 jar cakes (see picture above). Double if necessary!

May is...

Special shout out to all of you who have taken on the task of fostering, whatever the ultimate goal is for you. Your special talents, open heart and open home are making lives better every day. Thanks for being you!